ArcaMax

Q: We have two sons ages 7 and 5. They're generally sweet kids, but they're constantly fighting over toys, which movie to watch, and so on. How can we diffuse this incessant bickering?

Jim: I think every parent with more than one child at home has had to confront the issue of sibling rivalry at some point. Jean and I certainly had to address it with our own boys!

Thankfully, there are some practical things you can do to keep competition and animosity in check. Author Grace Stopani has developed a list of five steps to address sibling rivalry:

1. Teach your children mutual respect. Mean words and actions coming from a brother or sister can hurt deeply, so put a damper on insults.

2. Don't play favorites. All children are created equal -- but they're not all the same. Recognize and highlight each child's individual skills and strengths without implying that either is in some way better than the other.

3. Teach your kids conflict management. Acknowledge their feelings while helping them learn to express those emotions in the proper way. It's human nature for your sons to become frustrated with one another from time to time. But there are good ways and bad ways for them to deal with it.

4. Don't ignore good behavior. Naturally, you need to intervene when they're behaving badly. But it's more important to reward them with praise when they're getting along. Be sure each child receives a healthy dose of your time and interest.

5. Show appreciation for who your children ARE, not what they do. If a child feels valued merely for his performance, he will feel the need to prove his worth. Encourage your boys' self-esteem by praising their God-given traits, like compassion or a tender heart.

Parenting certainly isn't easy. But implementing these guidelines can help restore a measure of peace. For more tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Q: I'll admit that I married my husband basically for pragmatic reasons. I was a single mom looking for "just" a good stepfather for my child. Now I realize that I never really had romantic feelings for him. Is there hope for our relationship?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: The short answer to your question is yes: You can learn to love your husband with the kind of love that really lasts.

I say this for two reasons. First, real love isn't primarily a matter of emotions -- it's an act of the will. In cultures where marriages are arranged, couples often learn to love one another deeply even though their relationships weren't originally based on romantic feelings. Emotions generally follow in the wake of intentional, deliberate actions; they grow out of commitment, perseverance and hard work.

The second reason gives me even more reason for hope. You apparently WANT to fall in love with your husband -- otherwise, you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place. So you're already taking important steps in the right direction.

Continue making progress by asking yourself what attracted you to your husband at the beginning of your relationship. The two of you felt an emotional connection at some level, even if it was only because of the kindness he displayed toward your child. Something about this man led you to believe that life with him would be better than life without him. That spark may have diminished over time, but it can still be found and fanned into flame if you're willing to put forth the effort. You just have to take the time to dig down beneath the ashes.

Sure, it will take work -- but it's worth it. Our staff counselors can offer further assistance; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

========

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.